Advice to all the Young Farm Moms
Photo by: Layton Photography
ADvICE TO ALL THE
YOUNG FARM MOMS
So I’ve done a little research and asked…..
“What kind of advice would you as an Experienced Farm Mom give to a Young Farm Mom?”
And this is what I’ve come up with:
Shit happens! Literally AND metaphorically and YOU will have to deal with it. Your baby will have diaper blowouts then they will learn to take their diaper off. The cows will get out and leave their mark along with the dog’s on your lawn. Your kids will find the baby kittens in the barn and sneak them into the house. The chicken coop will need to be cleaned. Embrace the wonderful living creatures on your farm and buy some Lysol. Your kids will get dirty, and the critters will get sick. Nothing lasts forever and it’s up to you to help what you can and explain the circle of life when you can’t. That’s what Farm Moms do.
A balanced life is a constant struggle. There will be busy seasons in your year or your life when it’s going faster than you like. Know that it won’t last forever. Stand up for yourself and your children when you need some downtime. It’s just as important to do nothing for an hour, or a day or a week, as it is to do everything. Know that it will go off balance for a while but you have the ability and strength to bring it back to a healthy state. Only you will know when and how, so trust your judgment.
Plan ahead and know that it doesn’t always go as planned!! The busy seasons don’t last forever, but with some planning, they can go a lot smoother. Meal planning for the busy seasons WILL look different for everyone! You may make meals ahead and put them in the freezer or you may buy frozen meals. You may take supper out before you leave for work, or you may pick up takeout on the way home. Either way, know that you are doing your best and you are accomplishing your goal to feed your family. Plan your family vacations to include your farmer knowing that they may not be able to come. Know that they want to be there and are doing what they feel is best. Encourage them to join in the next one and let them know how important their presence and work ethic are to you. No two years are ever the same!
Don’t try to do everything your mother-in-law did! These are different times and you and your spouse have created your own family and farm life! Create your own path that suits you and your family. Many moms are working off the farm so if you don’t learn to drive the tractor that’s ok. You are contributing in so many other ways. Have a garden if you have time and enjoy it, but not because that’s what you are expected to do. In my early years of my marriage, I heard the phrase “That’s not how my mom did it.” I can tell you it’s only been spoken once…because I’m not his mom!
Make time for connections. Some of your best talks may be inside the cab of a truck or machinery, so take time to ride along and leave the dishes for later. You and your kids will learn and understand way more about farmwork if you spend some time beside your farmer. Sometimes it’s just being there to listen. Take them some treats and let them know you appreciate how hard they are working and that it doesn’t go unnoticed. You may feel like a single mom during the busy times but it’s just temporary. Reach out to your family, neighbours and friends when you need a helping hand. We have all been there and had someone help us too.
Know that you’re a good mom even on days when your kids are awful. Kids need to know their boundaries and the only way to do that is to test them out. You see it when they are a baby all the way up to adulthood. Sometimes you will be the only one there to set the rules but know that you are both parents with their best interests at heart. Give other moms compliments when you see their child doing good things. It means the world to that mom, just like it does for you. If your kids are acting up know that comes from their dad!
MOST IMPORTANT advice…Filter the “advice” people give you!! The ones who told you NOT to marry a farmer! It’s long hours and sometimes a dirty messy job but it’s worth it. Take the time to consider what farm life has to offer you and your kids. You might just find yourself feeling blessed to have the life that you do! Watching your family and your farm grow is something most people don’t get to experience! Leave Instagram and Pinterest unopened, and embrace the chaos and all the dirty bits and know that you are a GREAT FARM MOM!
Doreen is a mental health advocate who has always lived the rural lifestyle. She is a brave speaker who is out to rid the world of the the stigma attached to mental illness. Having to deal with postpartum and clinical depression as well as anxiety has put her on a lifelong journey to mental wellness. She is a very open speaker who shares her stories and strategies in a safe space with a splash of humour. Running a mixed grain and cattle farm with her husband has come with its challenges. Making mental health a priority has garnered them a balanced life of work, happiness and sometimes chaos!
